How Do You Know If Your Child Is Spoiled?

It's not always easy to tell what behavior is normal and what is a sign of a spoiled child.

Every kid acts up from time to time. But how do you know if your child’s behavior is normal or a sign they are spoiled? If so, how can you prevent spoiling them further? But first, what is a spoiled child? A spoiled child, often referred to as a "spoiled brat," is a child who has been allowed to have or do anything they want, whether appropriate or not, and as a result, is immature, rude, disrespectful, self-centered, demanding, and misbehaves when anything is denied to them.

It is most commonly thought that pampering every whim, not setting boundaries, and never saying "no" to a child by overindulgent parents cause a child to become a spoiled brat. Some psychologists seem to think excessively harsh discipline, control, and inattention to the child's needs may make the child behave in attention-seeking ways, whether positive or negative. Parental discord could contribute. Whichever the case, "the spoiled child" phenomenon is real enough to cause concern to most parents because no parent wishes to raise an ill-mannered and ill-behaved child. Spoiled kids have problems adjusting to the outside world, because they are no longer treated any more special than others, do not get everything they ask for, and may grow up into maladjusted adults.

Many pediatricians and child psychologists are not comfortable with the term "spoiled child" because it sounds derogatory and is poorly defined. Spoiled child meaning, and use of the term "brat," suggest being spoiled is somehow the fault of the child as well. A child may actually have a problem and does not know how to communicate it. On the other hand, the child may have just learned screaming gets them what they want.

It is not always easy to tell what behavior is normal and age-appropriate, and what might be a sign of a spoiled child. Here are five signs to look for, and how you can prevent spoiling your kid.

Signs of a spoiled child may include:

1. Can't handle hearing "no"
   • A spoiled child may throw a tantrum or have a meltdown when you tell them they can't do something.
   • While this is fairly common in most young children, if it happens constantly even as your kid gets older, it could be a sign they are spoiled.
2. Never satisfied with what they have
   • Spoiled kids may have tons of toys and clothes, but they always want more, more, more.
   • They tend to be unappreciative and instead of saying "thank you" for what they are given, they focus on the next thing they want.
3. Think the world revolves around them
   • A spoiled child is often self-centered and thinks more of themselves than of other people.
   • They also feel entitled and expect people to give them special favors.
4. Are sore losers
   • No child enjoys losing, but spoiled ones may have a tougher time managing disappointment when they don't win.
   • Spoiled kids may:
     • Blame others for poor performance
     • Expect praise for every single thing they do
     • Scream at people for not doing things their way
     • Refuse to recognize the success of their competitors
5. Refuse to complete even simple tasks
   • A spoiled child may refuse to do simple tasks like brushing their teeth or putting away their toys.
   • They may not do basic things until you beg or bribe them with money, toys, or treats.

What does spoiling mean, and how do you avoid spoiling your child? Different strategies may work with each kid, but some general tips to prevent a spoiled child may include:

• Set age-appropriate rules for your child
  • Children need someone to set boundaries for them until they are old enough to develop self-control and self-discipline.
  • You have the right and the responsibility to set limits for your children in a way that disciplines them.
• Give them a balanced amount of attention
  • Attend to your child's needs, whether that's pain, hunger, or fear.
  • However, excessive attention or attention at the wrong time can interfere with your child's ability to learn things on their own and lead to frustrations later in life.
• Train them to respond to directions
  • This is a pattern that needs to be set even before your child enters school.
  • If not, you will be dealing with complaints from school in addition to your struggles at home.
• Don't give in to tantrums
  • Tantrums ranging from crying and whining to breath-holding and pounding the floor may be overlooked to a certain extent if they are not too disruptive or in a position to harm them.
  • Many children try to test their limits, and holding your ground will teach them to respect the boundaries you have set for them.
• Teach them patience
  • Immediately jumping up to fulfill every mundane demand your kid makes is just going to create an easily frustrated person who always wants instant gratification.
• Discipline them when needed
  • Even when you're playing with your child, be aware of the fact that you are the parent and need to fix problematic behavior.
  • Often in working families, when parent-child quality time is precious, it is easy to lean toward flexing the rules to make kids happy. But be careful about allowing bad behavior to continue just so the evening can be uneventful.
• Give them chores
  • Assign chores regularly, even if they are simple things, such as helping set the table for dinner, folding laundry, or making their beds.
  • Small chores can also teach your child basic skills they will need later in life, and help them learn how to help people around them.
• Let them learn things for themselves
  • Life's biggest lessons are often learned from dealing with mistakes. Let your child become confident and self-reliant by teaching them responsibility for their actions.
  • Be available and supportive but try not to do things for them that they can handle for themselves.
• Don't overpraise
  • While children need praise and rewards for good behavior and following rules, it should be earned. Overdoing it can make your child take it for granted.
  • Avoid the tendency to overpraise normal developmental tasks.
• Manners and respect
  • Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for the world. Instilling good manners and teaching your child to respect others is essential.
  • Be consistent and calm, and do not be emotional about your expectations.
  • Apologize when it is warranted but do not apologize for disciplining your child.
  • Remember, tantrums are learned behaviors that can be unlearned, and the sooner the better.

If you think your child might be showing behaviors of being spoiled and are unsure what to do, talk to the child's pediatrician. They can tell you if behaviors are age-appropriate or refer you to counseling if needed.

What are the long-term effects of being a spoiled brat?

Being a spoiled child can have long-term ill effects because these children can grow up into immature and needy adults and fail to develop the life skills necessary to deal with adulthood.

Some long-term ill effects of being a spoiled child may include:

• May not be able to adjust well to life at school and with other children where they don't get indulged or receive any special treatment. This may lead to indiscipline, poor performance in school, and inability to form friendships with other kids. The child may feel rejected, which can lead to further problems like substance abuse and other risky behaviors.
• The spoiled child can grow into a selfish adult, demanding, and emotionally immature, which are not characteristics that can foster happy and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.
• A spoiled child may grow into an adult who does not understand accountability and responsibility and may find it difficult to manage the responsibilities of their work, finances, and family. This can result in poor spending habits, substance abuse, and other risky behaviors.
• Rude behavior as a child can grow into socially unacceptable disruptive and negative behavior in adulthood. This can isolate the person and lead to mental health and other issues in life.

Is it possible for a spoiled brat to change their behavior?

With proper handling, it is certainly possible to change the behavior of a spoiled child. It requires patience, persistence, and consistency. Be prepared for the child's resistance and remain firm, because the child is not going to willingly accept the changes you implement.

Some suggestions on how to "un-spoil" a child include:

• Stop giving in to every demand of the child. Do not get angry, but let the child know screaming will not get them the desired object, but good behavior just might.
• It is ok to let the child cry for a while. If you are at home, ignore a tantrum so long as the child is safe from hurting themselves or others. If the child throws a tantrum in public, lead the child out calmly, but do not give in to the child's demands. The child should learn that bad behavior in public is not going to fetch any reward.
• Do not argue with the child when the child is crying or screaming. Wait out the meltdown and explain calmly and gently why their behavior is wrong.
• Establish that you will lay down rules and boundaries as a parent, which must be respected and followed.
• Encourage and praise good behavior. Play a game or read a book with the child, instead of giving something material as a reward.
• Involve the child in chores and let the child earn their reward. Teach the child how to save and manage money.
• Every child likes attention. Spend quality time with the child and have conversations.
• Above all, be consistent with your rules, and be patient and gentle.

What are the common traits of a spoiled brat?

The common traits of a spoiled child can include:

• Refusing to take a "no" for an answer.
• Throwing tantrums when their demands are not met.
• Refusing to share their things with others.
• Dissatisfaction with what they have and always wanting more.
• Rude and impolite behavior.
• Attention-seeking and selfish behavior.
• Refusing to do simple tasks such as putting away their toys, unless bribed with a treat.

What causes a child to become a spoiled brat?

No child is born a brat, being spoiled is a learned behavior. When a child can get what they want by a certain kind of behavior, such behavior is reinforced. The most common reason is thought to be overindulgence by doting parents, but some psychologists think it is just the opposite: lack of attention and harsh discipline. Ultimately the responsibility of instilling the right kind of values in a child lies with the parents.

There are many reasons why a child may become a spoiled brat:

• Parental guilt feeling: A parent may not be able to spend enough time with the child because of work and other pressures and may be reluctant to discipline the child or be overindulgent to compensate for their absence.
• Inability to handle tantrums: Sometimes one may be unable to or just too tired to deal with a tantrum and giving in to the child is a quick solution, but this reinforces such behavior.
• Deprivation in childhood: Some parents who have gone through difficult times in their own childhood may overindulge their children wishing to make sure their own children want for nothing.
• Pampered grown-ups: An adult who was spoiled as a child may not have developed the skills required for mature and responsible parenting of their children.
• Harsh discipline: Inflexible harsh discipline can negatively affect a child making them rebel against rules and norms.

What strategies can help manage a spoiled child's expectations?

It is never too late to try and rewire the brain of a spoiled child and modify their behavior; the sooner you identify the problem and start making changes, the easier.

The following are some strategies you can follow in managing a spoiled child's expectations:

• Try to spend more time with the child and pay attention to why the child behaves in a certain way. The child may have a genuine issue.
• Learn to say no, and be firm and gentle when telling your child why they can't have the thing they want. Do not get angry or argue with the child. Perhaps you can use a story to explain your point, or play a game to distract the child, and later talk to the child when they are calmer.
• Teach the child the value of sharing with others and cherish friendships.
• Always praise good behavior and admonish rudeness and impoliteness. Punish bad behavior appropriately, but not harshly.
• Be consistent in enforcing your rules so that the child understands that their expectations may not always be met, and there is usually a good reason for it.
• Have open conversations with your child so they feel comfortable about sharing their emotions with you.